Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
