You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
