The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
