I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize