You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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