so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
