Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
