no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize