he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
