my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
