Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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