i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
