I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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