Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
