Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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