you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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