i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
