i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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