I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize