she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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