What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
