dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
