there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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