wake up i wanna do it froggy style
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
