you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
