turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
