I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
