Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
