i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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