you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
