Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
