I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
