My first STD was from a foam party
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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