I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
