i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
