Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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