So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
