I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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