White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize