The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
