I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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