I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
