the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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