if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
