Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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