so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
