I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
