Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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