i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
