I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
