she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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