Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
