is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
