My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
