Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
