when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
