the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
