I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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