my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize