Your mouth is God's brothel.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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