She is in my trunk
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
