If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
