and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
