I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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