"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
