at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
