We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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