I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize