listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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