i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
