I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
