Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
