Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
