The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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