If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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