i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
