I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize