the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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