My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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